Sex Addict’s Anonymous has a tag line. “From Shame to Grace”. It’s important to realize that shame is a very real part of both the addict’s mindset as well as the betrayed partner. Both feel shame, although for what might be very different reasons. The crux of the issue is that shame is not an imaginary thing. It’s an emotion that plagues all of those impacted by addiction.

The reality is that many sit in that shame and continue to dwell on it. Society even fosters this. We see from multiple sources that we should feel shame. An important distinction is that shame is different from regret and remorse. Whether we feel shame about our behavior or being betrayed, there is hope. The addict often feels shame related to their behavior in acting out, or hurting those that they care about. The betrayed partner might feel shame regarding the thought concept of “I should have realized what was going on.” Both of these situations can cause serious long-term damage if not dealt with appropriately. This is not something we can handle on our own.

This is where a community of others who have been in that situation, is critically important. From a faith perspective, the difference between shame and conviction helps us see the difference. Shame tells us that we can’t have relationship with God, whereas conviction tells us that God wants to restore us to an intimate relationship with Him. Shame is destructive and the only way to get past that is to be in both community and drawing closer to God.